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  To those few women who do this

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  I am proving her right every time

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  I like my pasta at a m

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  Yeah man I make pepperoni dicks all day

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  Poor Aquaman

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  This is what happens when stick a bar of soap in the microwave

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  Sums up my entire philosophy on relationships

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  I was sweating bullets

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  It must be weird if your dad is a legend

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  So I let the guy who opened the door for me skip ahead in line and he does this