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  Oh look even pigs have more fun than I do

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  I was sweating bullets

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  This is what happens when stick a bar of soap in the microwave

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  To those few women who do this

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  Sums up my entire philosophy on relationships

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  My girlfriend has been away When she comes back I imagine it will look like this

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  That evil smile

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  So this smells like napalm in the morning

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  It must be weird if your dad is a legend

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  I am proving her right every time